


Like Father, Like Son (Cat's In The Cradle AU Part 1)

by Totally_Human_Person_123



Series: Cat's In The Cradle AU [1]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, How Do I Tag, Klaus Snicket AU, Mr. Poe is not smart, Olaf sucks, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totally_Human_Person_123/pseuds/Totally_Human_Person_123
Summary: "Klaus Snicket was extremely excited, his 10th birthday was tomorrow and his mother was coming home today. He’d never had a “traditional” home, he lived in a hotel with his uncles the Denouements and his mother Kit Snicket, when she wasn’t away on a VFD mission that is. His mother refused to tell him who his father was but he's always had a hunch that it was Dewey Denouement, he could be observant, sometimes, and he'd seen how close the two were. But nevermind all that, he was just glad that he'd get to see his mother again."Klaus Snicket AU, but Lemony isn't the Snicket he's related to, and he isn't related to the Baudelaire's either.
Relationships: Beatrice Baudelaire & Klaus Baudelaire, Beatrice Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Beatrice Baudelaire/Bertrand Baudelaire, Bertrand Baudelaire & Klaus Baudelaire, Bertrand Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Count Olaf/Kit Snicket, Dewey Denouement/Kit Snicket, Kit Snicket & Count Olaf, Klaus Baudelaire & Count Olaf, Klaus Baudelaire & Dewey Denouement, Klaus Baudelaire & Dewey Denouement & Ernest Denouement & Frank Denouement, Klaus Baudelaire & Ernest Denouement, Klaus Baudelaire & Frank Denouement, Klaus Baudelaire & Kit Snicket, Klaus Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sunny Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Violet Baudelaire & Klaus Baudelaire
Series: Cat's In The Cradle AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855180
Comments: 18
Kudos: 35





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kit makes a choice, Klaus turns 10, Violet is an only child and likes it that way.

Kit Snicket was content for the first time in a very long time. She was sitting on the couch in her new home, with her fiance Olaf and holding her very pregnant belly. Everything was perfect. Or at least as perfect as it could be. Sure, the two of them would yell, and fight, and throw things, but they could work through their problems. And what couple didn't have arguments?

“When do you think we should have more?” Kit asked her husband to be, they’d already agreed that they wanted lots of kids, “Should we have them soon after this one so they have playmates, or wait until they’re off to VFD before having another?”

Olaf stiffened and turned to look at Kit, “What do you mean? Why would we give our kids to VFD?” He was shocked and confused, he thought that Kit already knew how he felt about the organization.

“Why wouldn’t we? We want our kids to grow up to be noble volunteers!” Kit was befuddled, they’d both been raised in VFD so why wouldn’t their kids be raised the same way?

“Kit, darling, you do remember what VFD did to my parents,” Olaf knew that she did even without asking, after all, it was her own brother who had done the deed.

Kit sighed, she hated it when Olaf played this card, “Of course I do dear, but you know that it had to be done and if VFD could have prevented it then they would have.”

“I’m going for a walk,” Olaf stated as he stood.

Kit stood up next to him and put a hand on his shoulder, “When will you be back?”

He shrugged her hand off as he walked to the door, “I don’t know.”

* * *

The couple continued to fight about whether or not their unborn child would be joining VFD for the next few weeks, it wasn’t pretty. They would scream, and yell, and throw things more than before. Both of them were too stubborn to give up and relent.

So Kit made a decision. She started packing her things, only the essentials, and then, one night, she left.

Olaf searched for her everywhere, he’d be willing to do anything to get her and their unborn baby back but no one knew anything, and if they did they wouldn’t tell him. His only goal had been to be there for his kid and keep them from getting as messed up as him, and now it didn’t look like he could do that, or ever even meet his kid. Deep down he knew that he deserved this, Kit really could have done better, and maybe that's why he began drinking, to drown his problems and the voices that would tell him that he did this, he drove her away. Because he knew they were right.

* * *

Klaus Snicket was extremely excited, his 10th birthday was tomorrow and his mother was coming home today. He’d never had a "traditional" home, he lived in a hotel with his uncles, the Denouements, and his mother Kit Snicket, when she wasn’t away on a work 'mission' that is. His mother refused to tell him who his father was but he's always had a hunch that it was Dewey Denouement, he could be observant, sometimes, and he'd seen how close the two were. But nevermind all that, he was just glad that he'd get to see his mother again.

He was currently sitting on the front steps of the hotel waiting for a familiar taxi to pull up. He couldn’t wait to see his mom again, the mission that she’d been on had lasted longer than most so it had been awhile. He had helped Dewey reorganize his library and he couldn’t wait to show it to his mom. He had even made a small pile of books that he wanted to read with his mother when she got back.

His head shot up as he heard a car pull up and he began grinning as he saw the taxi his mother drove everywhere. Klaus immediately ran to the driver’s side door and bounced between his feet excitedly as his mother opened the door and he leapt into her lap to hug her. Kit pulled her son close and hugged him tightly.

“Hey there my little bookworm, I’ve missed you,” Kit said affectionately as she held her soon to be 10-year-old son.

“Mama! I helped Dewey move the books around in the library and I made a pile of books for us to read when you got back! And you are back so we need to go read them right now!” Klaus smiled excitedly at his mother as he told her all about all the things he’d done while she was gone. Kit smiled and let him get on her back for a piggyback ride once she’d exited the car. She nodded as she listened to her son ramble on about anything and everything, she hoped that he’d stay like that forever.

As Kit brought her son inside the large hotel lobby she remembered what one of the other volunteers had told her and her happy mood disappeared.

“Mom? What’s wrong? You look sad, are you not happy to see me?” Kit looked at her son, he seemed so small and it almost made her regret what she had to do.

“No sweetheart, I’m very happy to see you, it’s just that…” She couldn’t tell him what was happening, not now, not like this, “It’s just that you’ve grown up so fast, I’m so proud of you Klaus, don’t you ever forget that.”

Klaus nodded then started talking about how Frank had promised to take him hiking in the mountains sometime. Kit nodded and tried to keep herself together because she didn’t want to break down in front of her son, he was still too young to understand what was happening. She hoped that he’d be able to forgive her for what she was going to do the next day.

“Hey, sweetie? Do you wanna take a special birthday ride with me tomorrow? I have some friends I want you to meet.” She knew that it‘d probably be a lot longer than just a meeting, but she didn’t think he’d want to go if she told him the truth.

“Ok, I guess. Is Dewey coming?” Klaus asked as he started playing with his mother’s hair. Klaus just hoped that wherever they went would have somewhere they could read all the books he’d picked out for them.

Kit smiled at him and brushed some of his hair out of his face, “No sweetie, it’ll be just the two of us until we get to my friend’s house.” Klaus looked a little confused but nodded anyways

* * *

The next day Klaus wouldn’t stop asking questions as they drove, he wanted to know what her friends would be like, if they liked to read, if they were nice, how long they’d be staying there. Kit just smiled and answered them to the best of her abilities, but at the last question, she pulled over and pulled Klaus into her lap.

“I need you to listen very closely my little bookworm, can you do that?” Klaus nodded, “Mama’s going to go away on another work mission and I don’t know when I’ll be back. So I asked my friends if you could stay with them for a while, well I’m gone. It won’t be for long, but I figured that a change of scenery would do you some good. Ok, little bookworm?” Kit felt like she was going to cry, she knew that it might be forever, but he didn’t need to know that.

Klaus hugged her tightly, he didn’t like strangers but he knew his mother wouldn’t do anything if she didn’t think it was the right thing to do and so he didn’t complain.

Kit kept Klaus in her lap the rest of the way to her friend’s house. Once they got there she put Klaus on the ground and helped him grab his bag from the trunk. She held his hand and walked him to the door.

Beatrice Baudelaire answered the door, smiled, and asked if they’d like to come in. She had agreed to watch Klaus for a few weeks for Kit, although she and her husband, Bertrand, generally tried to avoid VFD but, they understood the severity of the situation and didn’t want the poor kid to get hurt for things out of his control.

Kit told Beatrice that it’d probably be better for her to get going now and then knelt down to her son's level and brought him in for a hug, “You be good for the Baudelaire’s ok? I’ll be back for you as soon as I can my little bookworm. I love you and I’m so proud of you.” Klaus didn’t quite understand what was happening but he could tell his mother was upset and so he hugged her tightly.

Beatrice took Klaus by the hand and grabbed his bag and led him inside the large mansion. Klaus waved goodbye to his mother as she got in the taxi and drove away. Once Kit turned the corner and was out of sight she pulled over and began to sob.

When she told her son and the Baudelaire’s that he would only be there for a few weeks she was lying, she didn’t know how long he’d have to be there but she had recently learned that Olaf had figured out where her and their child was and she didn’t want him to get Klaus. Maybe a few years ago this wouldn’t have been so bad, but they didn’t leave on good terms and neither of them had been in a good place when she’d gotten pregnant. And her leaving without another word had only made things worse between the two of them. She knew that Olaf wouldn’t be happy when he saw her or their son and she was going to protect Klaus at all costs, even if it meant her son hated her and never saw her again.

* * *

Violet Baudelaire was a very smart girl for her age, she was only 12 and already had an arsenal of original inventions under her belt. She had been an only child for all 12 of those years and she liked it that way. She didn’t need little siblings running around and ruining her inventions, besides, she didn’t think she’d forgive herself if she accidentally hurt one of them with an invention. All in all Violet was an only child and she was happy that way.

Everything was perfect, at least until a week ago. Her parents had sat her down and explained that they were going to be watching their friend’s son for a few weeks and that he’s only a little younger than her. Violet was not happy with this news, she enjoyed having her parent’s attention all to herself and she had just started a new invention and didn’t want a new kid getting in the way of it.

But she knew that there was nothing she could do to stop them from bringing this kid in.

Violet was upstairs working on her invention when she heard her mother calling her down. When she got there her mom was holding the hand of a boy who looked to be about 9 or 10, this must be the boy her parents were watching. She noticed that he had very shiny eyes, they reminded her of a mouse's.

“I’m Violet, how do you do?” She asked while sizing the boy up, he didn’t look like the type to run wild so she deduced that her inventions would be safe from him.

“My name is Klaus Snicket, I like your ribbon,” Klaus said as he looked around the entryway curiously. 

“Thank you,” Violet replied curtly, she wore her ribbons proudly and was glad that he liked it. But that didn’t mean that she was going to accept him with open arms.

“Violet? Do you want to give Klaus a tour while I go get your father?” Beatrice asked her daughter as she handed Klaus his bag full of books.

Violet sighed and told Klaus to follow her and began leading him around the house, “Here is the kitchen, and here’s the dining room, and over there is-”

“You guys have a library?! _Inside_ of your house?! _Woah…_ ” Klaus was amazed, he’d never seen so many non-VFD books in his whole life. He dropped his bag and started looking around the library in awe, he can’t believe how many books there were. And not a single one looked like it was written by a VFD author.

“Oh uh yeah, I don’t spend a whole lot of time in here but my parents do. They like to read after dinner while I’m working on my inventions,” The 12-year-old girl said as Klaus walked around the library in wonder. Violet sighed and sat down in one of the chairs because they clearly weren’t going to be leaving any time soon. When Violet was younger she had wanted a little brother or sister to play with but now she didn’t think that it would be nearly as exciting and this kid was only proving that theory. 

Eventually, Beatrice and Bertrand made their way into the library and found Violet sitting boredly in her chair, and Klaus still trying to get a good look at all of the many, many books in the room. Bertrand looked at the boy that would be with them for the next few weeks, he was certainly a Snicket. Both of the Baudelaire parents were aware of his heritage but Kit had neglected to tell them what Klaus knew about his parents so they’d have to be careful about what they said around him.

Bertrand walked over to Klaus and knelt next to him before introducing himself, “Hey there, I’m Bertrand Baudelaire and you must be Klaus. I see you like our books, you can read any of the ones you can reach while you’re here.”

“Really?! I like to read, mama says that I’m very advanced, a word which here means-” Klaus continued to ramble about books, defining words here and there. However, Beatrice and Bertrand were no longer listening to the young Snicket as he had just recited a phrase that was once used by someone very close to them. That person was no longer around, but they hadn’t heard anyone use that particular phrase in a very long time. The two of them made eye contact before deciding that they shouldn’t bring it up, they don’t know if Kit had told Klaus about her brother and didn’t want him to know what his mother didn’t want him to.

“Excuse me? Mr. & Mrs. Baudelaire? Is there somewhere I should put my bag?” Klaus felt awkward asking these people he didn’t know, but if he didn’t then he might end up forgetting about it and leaving it here, and when he does remember it will be too late for him to go and get it from the library. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad, but he’d never stayed anywhere other than the hotel so he didn’t know what to expect.

“Hm? Oh right, of course, Violet? Can you please show our guest to the room he’ll be staying in? Your father and I need to talk,” Beatrice requested as she thought about the last Snicket they had housed.

“Do I have to? I mean, he would have known where it is if he hadn’t made us stop here for so long,” Violet whined, it was already bad enough that she had to share her house and parents with this new kid and now she has to show him where everything was too. She just wanted to go back upstairs and work on her invention but now there’s this weird kid in her house and all she knows about him is that he likes to read, is a know-it-all, and according to her parents is the son of one of their old friends. If you asked her, that’s not nearly enough information to make her want to be friends with him.

But alas, she couldn’t just blatantly disobey her mother by refusing to show him around and her mother was giving her a soft glare, “Fine, follow me, book boy.” 

Klaus picked up his bag and started following the girl through the house, he could tell that she was annoyed with him for taking so long in the library but he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to apologize but he wasn’t quite sure how seeing as he didn’t know her very well. “So… you like to invent? That’s cool, I’m not very good with stuff like that but I’ve read lots of books about it. Have you read about Nikola Tesla? I have, I read his biography a few weeks ago. It wasn’t what I normally read, but it was ok I guess, you might like it more though since you’re an inventor and all.”

Violet just nodded and shrugged as he talked, it’s not that she hadn’t _tried_ to read the biography, but she couldn’t just sit still and read for hours like her parents and she had to return it to the library before she’d even gotten through the first chapter. So a lot of their ‘family time’ was Mother and Father reading while she worked on her inventions in the same room, and occasionally one of her parents would read out loud to her while she worked. 

Finally, they reached the room and Violet opened the door, “Here you go book boy, this is your room for as long as you’re here. Speaking of which, do you know exactly how long that is?”

“No, mom’s usually only gone for a few days but she said that this time it’d be a few weeks, so I can’t say for sure how long it’ll be. Sorry,” Klaus replied as he set his bag down in the room and started walking around to take it all in. He’d never had a room this big to himself, at home he’d normally stay in a smaller hotel room or in the sub-sub library with his Uncle Dewey.

“It’s fine, just make sure that you stay away from my inventions, I don’t want you hurting yourself or breaking them because you stepped on one that wasn’t tested or fixed yet,” Violet sighed as she answered, she just hoped that the ‘few weeks’ passed quickly so that things could go back to normal.

But a few weeks turned into a few months, and one day when Violet was walking past her parent’s room she heard them talking, “What are we going to do? We weren’t ready to have another kid for a while but we both know that Kit isn’t going to be back anytime soon.”

“We can’t just take him back to the hotel, if what Kit said was true then he’s not safe there, this is the best place for him,” Violet was confused, why wouldn’t Klaus be safe at his home? He was only 10, why would someone want to hurt him?

“You’re right, but how are we supposed to tell him that his mother isn’t coming back?” Violet knew that Klaus would be heartbroken if they told him that his mother wasn’t coming back, when he wasn’t reading he was almost always talking about his mom. Violet walked away from the door and went upstairs, she passed Klaus’s room and stopped. She sighed and then knocked on his door.

“Hey, Klaus? Do you want to help me test one of my inventions? I would test it myself but I need someone else to help,” Klaus seemed shocked at this, the entire time he had been at the Baudelaire mansion Violet had told him to stay the hell away from her inventing room and now she wanted him to help her in there. But he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth and so he smiled and said that he’d love to help her.

In the morning Beatrice and Bertrand Baudelaire found the two children curled up with each other on the floor of Violet’s inventing room. 

* * *

“Violet? Have you seen Klaus today?” Bertrand asked his daughter while they were eating dinner. He hadn’t seen the boy they had taken in all day. He hadn’t been at breakfast, and he hadn’t been reading in the library, Klaus had also neglected to get lunch, and had failed to come to dinner.

“No, have you checked the library? Or the yard? I know he likes to read out there sometimes, maybe he started reading and forgot to eat,” Violet suggested, as it wouldn’t be the first time Klaus had missed meals due to being distracted by books.

“I’ve checked, he isn’t outside or in the library,” Bertrand said, he was beginning to get more concerned about young Klaus Snicket. It wasn’t like him to hide all day.

“Perhaps he’s just been in his room and we’ve missed him whenever he’s come out,” Beatrice suggested, although she doubted it. She just hoped that neither VFD nor the boy’s father had gotten him during the night.

“Maybe we should go and check? I don’t like the idea of something having happened to him and none of us knowing because we didn’t check on him.” Bertrand said as his wife and daughter nodded. They’d all grown accustomed to Klaus and it was strange that none of them had seen him all day. 

The group made their way to Klaus’s room and knocked on the door a few times. But when they received no answer to their knocking or their calling they opened the door.

“Klaus? Is everything alright? We haven’t seen you all day and wanted to make sure-” The room was empty, and the only thing indicated Klaus had been in there at all since yesterday was the note lying on the pillow,

“ _Dear_ ~~_Buad_ _Baudil_~~ _Baudelaire’s,_

_I’m sorry for any_ ~~_encon_ _inconvinceses_~~ _inconveniences I may have caused you during my stay. However, I hope it pleases you to know that I have gone home as I can tell that I’ve overstayed my welcome here. You were all the best people I could have ever hoped to stay with, but I needed to see my Uncles at the Hotel._

_Sincerely,_

_Klaus Lemony Jacob Snicket_ ”

It had been almost an entire day since Klaus had run away to go home and he was still lost. He really should have paid better attention when Uncle Ernest was teaching him about the layout of the city. He just wanted to go home but he didn’t know what that was anymore. Is it the hotel? The place where he grew up? Or with the Baudelaire’s, who had taken him in and cared for him like he was their own? Or maybe he didn’t even care where he was, he just wanted to see his mama again. It’s been more than a few weeks so where was she? 

He just wanted to see her again and every time he saw a taxi he thought that maybe, just _maybe_ it was his mother. But his legs hurt from walking all-day and his back hurt from carrying his bag full of books so he found a park and sat down on one of the benches. He could stay here tonight, his Mother and Uncles had told him about camping so he knew it probably wouldn’t be too bad, right? And just then it started raining, _“How cliche,”_ he thought to himself. 

At least the Baudelaire’s would be happy. Even though he knew they wouldn’t miss him, he was still starting to miss them. They had been so nice to him, and they’d made him feel seen. He loved his Uncles but they’d almost always been too busy to spend time with him. And his mom was always away on work missions. This was by far the longest one she’d ever been on and he just wanted to see her again. 

Klaus reached into his bag and pulled out a book, _Peter Pan_ , it was his favorite book to read with his mother. Whenever she got back from a long mission she would sit down with him and they would read it together. He couldn’t bring himself to open it and start reading, it reminded him too much of his mother. It had been a long time since they had last had a chance to read their book together. The last they’d been together was on his birthday, and his mother had promised him that they could read their book for extra time when she got back.

It was getting dark and Klaus was getting cold. He hoped that he would fall asleep soon so he could get to the hotel sooner. Klaus hugged the book to his chest and tried to convince himself that he would read it with his mother as soon as he saw her again. He was going to see her again. He knew that he was. She wouldn’t just leave him behind forever.

“Klaus?! Klaus are you out here?!” Klaus looked up when he heard someone calling his name, he couldn’t think of anyone that would be looking for him. It sounded like a male voice which meant it couldn’t be his mother, and his Uncles were at the hotel, and it couldn’t be Mr. Baudelaire, he had left them a note saying that he was going home so that they wouldn’t worry. Perhaps it was his other Uncle, Jacques he believed, but Klaus hadn’t heard from him in a long time so that was unlikely.

“Klaus? Please if you’re here let us know, we just want to help you!” This time it was a woman’s voice, he was beginning to wonder if maybe the Baudelaire’s had come after him.

“Hey Book Boy! It’s going to be ok! I promise we’re going to help!” That was definitely Violet’s voice, which meant that the first two were Mr. & Mrs. Baudelaire’s, which means that they came after him. Klaus didn’t know what to do, he could stay quiet and where he is and hope that they don’t find him, or he can call out and follow their voices. Maybe they’d help him get home, or find his mom. Mr. & Mrs. Baudelaire were his mother’s friends, she told him that before dropping him off, so they’ll probably know where he can find her.

He made a split-second decision and called out, “Baudelaire’s? I’m over here!” Violet and Mrs. Baudelaire said that they would help, they could help him find his mom. Because she’s going to come back for him. Every time she’s left she’s always come back. She wouldn’t leave him, right? He began to cry as he heard the footsteps of the Baudelaire family running over to his bench.

Mr. Baudelaire sat down next to him and started to tell him in a kind tone that everything was going to be ok, they were here now and they weren’t going anywhere. 

Klaus looked up at Mr. Baudelaire with tears in his eyes and quietly said, “Mama’s not coming back for me is she?” 

Bertrand's heart broke at the little boy’s sad tone, “No, I don’t think she is, I’m so sorry Kl-” but his sentence was interrupted by Klaus throwing his arms around his waist and sobbing into his chest. Bertrand was shocked very briefly before putting his arms around the boy and hugging him as he cried. Violet sat down on Klaus's other side and started hugging him too as her mother sat by her and joined the hug. The family stayed like that, all huddled together for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) In case it wasn't clear, in the Olaf/Kit part of the prologue it should show that neither Olaf nor Kit were mature enough to be in the kind of serious relationship they were attempting but due to VFD reasons, they didn't think about that. They were both assholes in this case and I am not trying to defend or excuse Olaf in any way shape or form.  
> 2.) I don't have a definite upload schedule so updates will be slow as I don't have much pre-written for this. I do intend to finish this all the way through The End but it will take awhile considering that I have trouble focusing enough to write the chapters quickly.


	2. Look Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Poe is about as helpful as you'd except.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a little wonky at first, sorry. Hopefully it'll get better though!

The Baudelaire sisters and their friend Klaus had been enjoying a cold day at the beach when our story began. Violet Baudelaire was testing out an invention that would, if it worked, retrieve rocks that she had skipped into the ocean. Klaus Snicket was reading a book he had found in the Baudelaire library on tidal patterns. And Sunny Baudelaire, the youngest and most recent edition to the Baudelaire household, was happily biting on a rock that her brother, as far as she was concerned that is, had found for her to make into a suitable projectile as her sister worked.

The three children had taken the rickety trolley down to Briney Beach that morning at the suggestion of Beatrice and Bertrand Baudelaire. They had always preferred to go to the beech on gray cloudy days when no one else would be there. If they went to the beach on a sunny day when it was crowded then people were more likely to get annoyed at Violet for testing her inventions, and upset at Sunny for teething on their umbrellas or coolers, or bothered by Klaus constantly defining words. 

When Violet Baudelaire tied her hair up with a ribbon it was a sure sign that the levers and gears in her inventive mind were turning, “Klaus, at what angle are the prevailing currents?” Violet asked, turning to her friend.

Klaus flipped to the page in his book and began reading the charts aloud for Violet, as Sunny crawled over to lean against Klaus.

“Sunny, how’s that rock coming along?” Violet asked as she began to ready her invention. Sunny smiled as she passed the stone to her older sister, eager to see how this invention would work. Violet took the rock and thanked her sister before marking it with the chalk that she often carried around for inventive purposes. She then readied herself to skip the rock as far into the ocean as she could.

“Excuse me, Violet, but why are you using your left hand?” Klaus asked, stopping his friend from skipping the rock.

“I’m curious to see if I can skip the rock as far with my left hand as I can with my right.”

“I don’t mean to criticize, but standard scientific method calls for stable systematics. You should use your standard right hand.”

“That does seem reasonable, ok Book Boy, I’ll do it, but only because I don’t want iffy results,” Violet said as she switched the rock to her right hand. It skipped an impressive nine times before it sunk into the water.

“Klaus, what’s that thing Einstein said?” Violet asked as she watched the rock skip.

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science,” Klaus quoted

“And what’s that thing James Brown said?” Violet asked.

“I got something that makes me want to shout, I’ve got something that tells me what it’s all about." Then he frowned a little, "Why do you even want to hear these quotes right now?”

“Just making sure you really do remember everything like you said you did,” Violet replied as she flipped the switch on her invention to turn it on. The machine whirred as it extended and reached out towards the ocean before dropping the claw at the end into the water. It grabbed a hold of something and began to pull the claw back up and retract back into the picnic basket that had been used to carry it. Violet held her hand out as it dropped her rock from before into her palm.

“It worked!” Violet said grinning at the rock she now held.

“I figured it would, _most_ of your inventions do,” Klaus smiled at Violet, who, in turn, rolled her eyes at him and told him to shut up although both were still smiling.

“I just wish mother had father had seen it,” Violet said a little sadly.

“It’s not like your parents to send us off on our own so unexpectedly, in fact, I don’t think they’ve let us go out alone since Sunny was born, although it wasn't that long ago so it is understandable,” Klaus stated in reply.

Sunny changed the subject by shrieking, “Gack!” Which probably meant, _“Look at that mysterious figure emerging from the fog!”_

Klaus looked towards where Sunny was pointing and he too, saw a figure in the fog. Klaus tapped Violet on the shoulder and gestured to the figure. 

“What do you think it is?” Violet asked her friend and her sister.

“I don’t know,” Klaus said, squinting at the thing, “But it looks like it’s coming right to us.”

“Gee thanks Klaus, I thought it was going to the _other_ group of kids on the beach, oh wait,” Violet replied sarcastically as the twelve-year-old rolled his eyes. Although she had replied with humor she was a little concerned as she didn’t know why anything would be coming towards them. “Klaus, pick up Sunny. I don’t think we’re in any immediate danger but it’s better to be safe than sorry,” She told her friend as she clutched the rock in her hand tightly and debated if it would be helpful to throw it at the thing.

“You’re right, for once,” Klaus received a sharp elbow to the side, “It only seems scary because of all the mist,” He finished while shooting the girl a glare.

As the figure grew closer they recognized it as Mr. Poe, an unhelpful man from the bank with a rather bad cough that he refused to acknowledge no matter how many times he was told to see a doctor about it. He removed his hat, which had made him look odd in the mist, and stood for a moment coughing into the handkerchief he always had with him. Violet and Klaus moved forward to greet him.

“How do you do?” Said Violet.

“Odo yow!” Said Sunny.

Klaus just offered the man a small smile and a nod of acknowledgment.

“I’m doing quite well, thank you for asking,” Mr. Poe said. They all stood in silence for a few moments while the children wondered what Mr. Poe was doing at the beach. The bank that he worked at was a while away from there and Mr. Poe was clearly not dressed for a day at the beach. And if Klaus remembered correctly, which he was almost certain he did, the banking day had begun hours ago.

“It’s a nice day,” Violet said, trying to break the silence. 

Sunny made a noise akin to that of an angry bird as if to ask her sister, _“Really? Is that the best conversation starter you could think of?”_

“Yes, it is a nice day,” Mr. Poe said as he stared blankly at the beach before turning to look at the three kids, “I’m afraid I have some very bad news for you children.” 

The Baudelaire sisters and their Snicket friend looked at him expectantly and waited for him to elaborate. And when he did, they wished he hadn’t.

“Your parents have perished in a terrible fire,” Mr. Poe stated rather unceremoniously.

“Wait, my parents too?” Klaus asked tentatively, hoping that the Baudelaire’s wouldn’t be upset with him for asking after the unsettling news.

“What are you talking about? You all have the same parents,” Mr. Poe said, giving Klaus an odd look. “Perished means killed by the way,” He added, looking at Violet and Sunny’s shocked expressions which he had mistaken for confusion.

“We know what perished means,” Klaus muttered while shooting the banker a glare. Violet had turned to look at the ocean, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was all some cruel joke that was being played on them, that maybe if she just took Klaus and Sunny back home they’d find their house completely intact and Mother and Father would be waiting for them in the library. Sunny was trying to figure out what Mr. Poe meant, surely her parents hadn’t actually died, they had promised to take her shopping for a new toy that she could chew on next week and it wasn’t like them to break their promises. 

“The fire department arrived, however by the time they got there the house had already been burned to the ground destroying everything and everyone inside,” Mr. Poe said, as though it would somehow comfort the children, “I can assure you children that you have nothing-”

“We have nothing,” Violet quietly repeated.

“-To worry about,” Mr. Poe finished acting like Violet hadn’t said anything. “I was sent to retrieve you here, and take you to my home, where you’ll stay for some time while we figure things out. I am the executor of your parents’ estate. Which means that I will be in charge of handling your enormous fortune and deciding where you will live until Violet comes of age. Then the fortune will be yours to do with as you please.”

The children just stood there, saying nothing for a few minutes.

“I know! Why don’t I take you to see your house! That way you can come to terms with this,” Mr. Poe suggested like he was talking to preschoolers and not a teenager, pre-teen, and baby. The kids all just nodded while staring blankly ahead.

* * *

When they finally reached what remained of the Baudelaire Mansion Klaus handed Sunny to Violet before entering. He walked in carefully and looked around, once Violet was inside she noticed that he had the same curious look in his shiny eyes as he did the first time he was in the house, only maybe a little sadder. Klaus walked throughout the library and looked around, remembering what it had used to look like and remembering all the hours he had spent in there with Mr. & Mrs. Baudelaire. 

Then Klaus made his way over to a small closet by the stairs and carefully opened the door, hoping that what he was looking for had remained undamaged. He hadn’t seen or touched it in years, not since the night he had run away. He rummaged through a few things, he had thrown it in there a few years ago. And there it was, a dark blue backpack stuffed to the brim with books and slightly singed, he picked it up as though it would disintegrate if he wasn’t gentle with it. Just as carefully he unzipped it and pulled out the book on top, _Peter Pan_ , Klaus hadn’t read it in years but he could still remember sitting in his mother’s lap as she weaved a story about pirates, and fairies, and mermaids. He tried to hold back his tears, he didn’t have a right to be upset right now, he was well over this. He had come to terms with his mother never coming back and right now Violet and Sunny were going to need him to keep himself together for them as they grieved.

Violet had found herself at the charred remains of the piano, her father had tried to teach her when she was younger, but she had only wanted to see if there was a way for her to make it play itself. Now she wished that she had taken the time to learn, if only to have more memories with her father. She could remember when she was about 7 or 8 her father had played the piano as her mother sang along. 7(or 8) year old Violet had decided that it was unfair that mother could sing along and she couldn’t, so she climbed up the chair next to her mother and placed her tiny hand over her mother's mouth to stop her from singing. Then, little Violet began to warble out a tune of her own that she had written about 3 seconds prior to singing it. Her parents had clapped when the song was over and told her how wonderful it was. Violet felt bad that Sunny would never get to have a memory like that. She grabbed a piano key from the floor and shoved it into her pocket, maybe Sunny would want to bite it.

The youngest Baudelaire had found herself in the kitchen. She could clearly remember how her mother would pick her up and put her on the counter whenever she was making dinner. Her father, on the other hand, would try to hold Sunny with one arm as he cooked, sometimes this worked and others it ended in them both covered in flour. Sunny found a strange metal cylinder covered with odd markings on the floor and tried to make it fit in her pocket so she could take it with her. She figured that she could ask Violet and Klaus about it, and if it wasn’t theirs then she could chew on it until mother and father picked them up, from wherever they’d be, next week to go shopping for a better toy.

“Baudelaire’s?! It’s time for us to go and I imagine that you wouldn’t want to spend much time here anyway,” Mr. Poe called through the doorway of the house. Klaus grumbled something about not being a Baudelaire before moving to the front room to wait for his friends. Violet sighed and made her way to the kitchen to grab her sister before going to find Klaus. The three children looked at each other, steeled themselves, and then stepped outside to find Mr. Poe again.

“Ah there you are children, I was beginning to- Klaus, where on earth did you get that bag?” Mr. Poe said while eyeing the backpack the Snicket boy was holding. Violet, who had just noticed the bag gave Klaus a small smile, she hadn’t seen it since he’d thrown it into the closet.

“It… it was mine when I was younger,” Klaus said, and then quietly added, “It’s the only thing I have left of my mother.”

“Of course it isn’t,” Mr. Poe reassured, “You still have your enormous fortune that your parents left behind for you!”

Klaus winced but chose not to correct Mr. Poe this time. Violet glared at the banker before grabbing her friend’s hand and giving him a comforting smile. The twelve-year-old smiled back at her and offered to take Sunny.

“Now, I’ve asked my wife to pick up some new clothes for the three of you on her way home from work and I’m sure you’ll all want to try them on as soon as possible,” Mr. Poe explained before turning to address Violet and Sunny, “Maybe you girls can even have a little fashion show, wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Sure…” Violet grimaced instead of explaining that neither she nor her sister had enjoyed putting on ‘little fashion shows' for quite some time now.

The unhelpful banker led the children back to his car and continued to talk about how much he and his family were going to help them.

* * *

Apparently Mr. Poe was under the impression that “help” meant “remind Violet and Sunny at every opportunity that they were orphans and ignore Klaus when he tries to explain that he isn’t related to the Baudelaire’s”. One example of such was when Mrs. Poe had excitedly shown them the new issue of _The Daily Punctilio_ that was all about them becoming orphans.

It had started when they were all quietly eating dinner and Albert, one of Mr. Poe’s sons, had asked what 'blanched' meant and seeing as Klaus knew he thought that he should answer.

“Blanched is a word which here means boiled,” Klaus explained. The Poes all gave him odd looks and Klaus shrank back into his seat. It wasn’t that he wasn’t used to those looks, most people thought the way he defined words was weird, it was all attention on him that he wasn’t used to.

“Nobody asked you,” Albert replied rudely, as his brother reached over him to get some more food.

“Now, now, son, you’ll have to go easy on him as he’s probably still in shock over his parents dying a terrible death this morning while he and his sisters were enjoying a gloomy day at the beach,” Mr. Poe ‘scolded’.

Mrs. Poe stepped in to agree with Albert that no one had asked Klaus, as Klaus tried to say that he technically didn’t lose his parents that day and that Violet and Sunny were not, technically, his sisters. But as always, the Poe’s ignored him.

“Now! Look at this!” Mrs. Poe said excitedly as she held up an article of _The Daily Punctilio_.

“Darling, maybe not in front of the kids,” Mr. Poe told his wife, which was likely the most helpful thing he had done all day if not all week.

“I thought it would cheer them up! They’ve done nothing but mope since they got here,” Mrs. Poe defended herself as she put the newspaper down and turned to Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, “ I had my star reporter, Geraldine Julienne, write it for the front page so that everyone who reads _The Daily Punctilio_ , which is everyone, would know that your home was destroyed and you’re orphans now, the front page! Most people wait a lifetime for that you know!”

The children were shocked, who in their right mind would think that the first thing they’d want is for everyone to know about the death of their parents, or in Klaus’s case guardians.

“You’re mentioned too, dear!” Mrs. Poe continued while pointing at a spot in the article that brought up how Mr. Poe was a great help to the ‘Baudilare orphans’, which was not only badly spelled but untrue.

* * *

The Baudelaire’s and Snicket were forced to share a very small room with the Poe boy’s, Edgar and Albert. The three children had a single mattress that barely fit all of them and were given itchy pajamas that Mrs. Poe had claimed made them all look very ‘darling’.

After Mrs. Poe tucked in her sons she turned to the children lying on the floor and said, “You must feel terrible, and must miss your parents very much.”

Which felt more like a command than a condolence to the kids.

“We do,” Violet said softly.

“You do what?” Mrs. Poe prompted.

“Feel terrible and miss our parents very much,” Klaus replied quietly. And although in Mrs. Poe’s mind the parents he was referring too were Mr. & Mrs. Baudelaire, Klaus Snicket was actually thinking of his mother and uncles and wondering if he actually was an orphan.


	3. Family Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus recalls one family reunion and, unwittingly, has another.

“I have some wonderful news for everyone!” Mr. Poe announced over dinner on the third night the Baudelaire girls and Snicket boy were at his house.

“Did you finally get that promotion?!” Mrs. Poe excitedly asked.

“No,” Mr. Poe sighed, “But a consultant came in today with a solution to our problem!”

“Stein?” Sunny asked, which likely meant,  _ “You finally got a brain?”  _ Violet and Klaus stifled their laughter at their sister’s remark.

“Sunny I’m afraid I don’t understand you but I’ll just assume that you meant ‘Gee Mr. Poe whatever could this solution be?’” Mr. Poe said and then continued, “Well let me tell you, the consultant, a ‘Yessica Haircut’, explained that by your parents saying that they wanted you to be raised by the closest living relative, they meant that you’re supposed to go to the  _ geographically  _ closest living relative.”

Klaus grimaced, “That’s…  _ not  _ what that means, at  _ all  _ .”

“Of course it is Klaus, adults know what things mean better than kids, and then Mr. Haircut-”

“Is that even a real name?” Violet asked as she had never heard of anyone with the name ‘haircut’.

“Of course it is, now please stop interrupting me children it’s terribly rude. As I was saying, Mr. Haircut took out a map of the city and pointed out the house of your closest living relative-” 

“Dad, can we go? This is boring,” Edger interrupted.

Mr. Poe nodded at his younger son, “Go ahead boy’s, so as I was saying tomorrow morning before I go to the bank I will be dropping you three Baudelaire’s-”

“I’m not a Baudelaire,” Klaus said for what felt like the hundredth time since he’d arrived at the Poe’s house.

“What did I just say about interrupting me? Honestly, I thought your parents would have raised you better than this,” Klaus winced a little, “As I was saying before Klaus rudely interrupted me, your new guardian is a wonderful actor named Count Olaf. I have talked with him over the phone and he seemed very eager to meet you all and even mentioned how he’d always wanted to be a father, so I’m sure that he’ll be a good parent to you three. I mean how could someone who wants kids so badly not be a good parent?” Mr. Poe coughed loudly as he finished talking their new guardian up.

Klaus felt a faint bell ring at the name Count Olaf. He wondered if perhaps this Count Olaf had ever stayed at the Hotel, or if maybe seeing as he’s an actor, he was in one of the movies or plays his mother would take him too. Either way, Klaus had a bad feeling about this.

Violet, however, was just glad that they would be able to leave Mr. Poe’s house soon. She hoped that this ‘Count Olaf’ would have more than a single mattress in a small room shared with two annoying and insensitive kids who wanted them there about as much as they wanted to be there.

* * *

As they sat in Mr. Poe’s car on the way to their new guardian’s house Violet pulled the piano key out of the pocket of her jacket. She turned it over in her hand wondering what she could do with it. If ‘Count Olaf’ had a drill and some string then she could possibly turn it into a necklace, it wouldn’t be the prettiest necklace and would be rather odd and uncomfortable but it would remind her of home. She wondered briefly if Klaus had ever learned how to play the piano and thought it was probably rude of her to have never asked him in the little over two years they had shared a house. But in her defense, he had never tried to play the piano even though he’d had plenty of chances.

Soon enough they pulled up in front of a beautiful house with a beautiful front lawn and a nice-looking woman who appeared to be about to enter the house but had stopped to look at the car pulling up in front of her home. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny exited the car and looked around at the house nervously. Klaus smiled a little, the place looked amazing and he thought that maybe he had been wrong about ‘Count Olaf’ if this was the type of house he had, then chances were that he wasn’t going to try and kill them on the spot.

Sunny smiled at the woman on the porch and waved. The woman smiled and waved back and then walked down the pathway to greet the children and banker. 

“Hello! You must be the kid’s Count Olaf is adopting!” She said cheerily.

“Yes, I’m Violet Baudelaire, this is my sister Sunny,” Violet replied as she shook the woman’s hand.

“I’m Klaus Snicket,” Klaus introduced himself as he reached out to shake the woman’s hand.

Mr. Poe shook his head and then proceeded to ‘correct’ Klaus, “I’m very sorry ma’am, he has this weird idea that he isn’t related to his sisters for whatever reason. I’m Mr. Poe by the way, I work at Mulcutary Money Management, here’s my card, and I am in charge of the Baudelaire children’s affairs and such.”

Klaus sighed and re-corrected Mr. Poe, “I’ve told you before Mr. Poe, I’m not related to them. Biologically at least.”

Justice Strauss gave Klaus a sympathetic smile, “Well, it’s very nice to meet you all. My name is Justice Strauss and if you need anything at all you just let me know.”

“What court do you serve on? I’ve met a few Judges before when I lived at… at the hotel.” Klaus trailed off a little at the end and clutched his backpack harder.

Justice Strauss didn’t seem to notice the boy’s change of mood, “I serve on the high court. And I wasn’t aware that any of you had lived in a hotel, I thought the Baudelaire’s owned a mansion?”

“They did…” Klaus said quietly, trying to keep the tears from his eyes knowing that he should be over this, it’s been over two years for heaven’s sake.

“So,” Violet began, trying to change the topic for her friend’s sake, “are you married to Count Olaf?”

“Oh goodness no, he’s just my neighbor. I only know that he was planning to adopt you all because when I went to drop off some of his mail that got delivered here he told me about how excited he was to become a father,” Justice Strauss told them. Then she pointed across the street, “ _ That  _ is Count Olaf’s house.”

The juxtaposition between the two houses was almost alarming. While Justice Strauss’s house looked warm and inviting, Count Olaf’s house was cold and looked like it was something out of a cheap horror film. Justice Strauss’s house was brightly colored and had many beautiful plants all over, meanwhile, Count Olaf’s house had only dark blacks and grays and the only plants were dead or close to being dead.

“Oh,” Violet said, as she struggled to find a positive thing about the house, “it’s certainly got… character.”

“Drakken,” Sunny said, which probably meant,  _ “If that character is a b-list villain.” _

Violet gave her infant sister a small glare, “Don’t be rude Sunny.”

“Be rude!” Sunny huffed back.

“Well come along Baudelaire’s, your new guardian is expecting us and the banking day will be starting soon,” Mr. Poe said as he began to usher them away while ignoring Klaus correcting him as always.

“Oh, of course, I didn’t mean to keep you all for so long. You’ll have to come visit sometime, I can show you my library and garden if you’d like!” Justice Strauss called after the children.

Violet turned around and smiled, “That sounds lovely Justice Strauss!”

“She seemed nice,” Mr. Poe said as they crossed the street. The children all nodded however they were no longer listening to the banker. Instead, they were preparing themselves for whatever lay behind the walls of the house they were going to be living in for the next four years at least. 

Klaus froze once they got closer to the door and saw the strange eye design on it. He recognized it. He’d seen it many times throughout his childhood. He could clearly recall weaving in and out of people’s legs, each left ankle marked with that same symbol, as he tried to find his mother. The little Snicket boy had to stop himself from stopping in the middle of the road to rub at his own ankle. That was one of the days she’d be coming back, he knew it was for an important meeting but she had promised she’d spend time with him as soon as she could. Klaus remembered running into a tall man who looked vaguely familiar. The man had seemed shocked to see Klaus, almost like he knew him. Klaus had later been re-introduced to the man by his mother and it turned out that he was his Uncle, Jacques Snicket. Klaus shook his head, now wasn’t the time to be thinking about any of that.

Violet bumped Klaus’s shoulder with hers to get his attention and quietly asked, “Are you ok?” 

“I’m fine, are you?” Klaus knew that she was probably more upset right now then she was letting on.

“I’m… I’m ok,” She told him as she hoisted Sunny a little higher on her hip to keep the baby from falling.

Mr. Poe had to knock on the door a few times before it opened to reveal a tall thin man in a dark gray suit covered in many questionable stains. He had one eyebrow instead of the standard two, and two very shiny eyes instead of the cyclopean standard of one. Violet tried to place where she had seen eyes like those before but was distracted by looking around the front room of the house. Which was about as clean and well kept as the outside of the house.

“Hello, hello, hello,” Count Olaf said in a wheezy voice, “Hello my children, step inside your new home. And please do remember to wipe your shoes before coming in, you wouldn’t want to track in mud in.”

“As if,” Sunny muttered, which meant,  _ “As if we could possibly track any more mud in here” _

The children stepped in, after wiping their shoes as requested, and Mr. Poe followed them.

“Well, this room could certainly use some work,” Mr. Poe said as he eyed a stuffed lions head mounted on the wall that had flies buzzing around it.

“I know that my humble abode,” Klaus eyed the many paintings of Count Olaf hanging around the room as the man spoke, “isn’t as grand as the Baudelaire mansion, but I’m sure that with a bit of your money we could fix it up a little.”

Mr. Poe’s eye’s widened and he let out a few surprised coughs before sternly saying, “The Baudelaire fortune is not to be used for such matters. In fact, it’s not even supposed to be touched until Violet comes of age.”

Count Olaf narrowed his eyes and for a moment Violet feared he was going to hurt someone, but he took a deep breath and then spoke. “Of course, I should have known,” He said like he was close to punching the banker, which Violet could understand as she’d been quite close to that a few times herself, “Well, thank oh so very much for bringing them here Mr. Poe, I’ll be showing the children to their room now.”

“I hope you’re all very happy here. I will continue to see you occasionally to make sure things are going well, and you can always contact me at the bank. Now goodbye Violet, goodbye Sunny, goodbye Klaus, and please Klaus, remember your manners.” and just like that, Mr. Poe was out the door and walking back to his car, the door shutting behind him.

“Now, let’s- wait… why are there three of you? I thought the Baudelaire’s only had two bra-children.” Count Olaf said as he looked at the children and did a headcount a few times.

“They did. Mr. & Mrs. Baudelaire had Violet and Sunny,” Klaus explained.

“Then who are you and why are you here?” The man asked in an annoyed tone.

“I was in the Baudelaire’s care, and my name is Klaus Snicket,” Klaus answered.

Count Olaf’s expression turned from one of mild annoyance to one of fury, a fire raged in his eyes, and his voice became cold as ice, “ _Don’t you_ ** _dare_** _say that word in my house ever again._ ” 

And then, he turned and stormed out of the room without another word.


	4. No One Likes Count Olaf

After about ten minutes of awkwardly waiting around and wondering why Count Olaf had stormed off after Klaus had introduced himself, a man with hooks for hands came to retrieve them and bring them to their room.

“Here you are. Count Olaf has even been so kind as to provide you with a complimentary pile of rocks, and a bed,” The hook-handed man said and then left without another word.

“How... generous,” Violet said as she stepped into the room with Sunny. Klaus sat down on the bed and grimaced at how lumpy and uncomfortable it felt.

“Hypnos?” Sunny asked as she looked at her siblings.

“Maybe I can use the curtains to make a bed for you? And Klaus and I can take turns with the bed. Besides, I’m sure that book-boy will like to have an excuse to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn other than _‘I went to bed early last night again!’_ even though we all know that he was probably awake reading until like, 2 am,” Violet joked as she lightly punched her friend on the shoulder.

Klaus smiled a little and reached over to grab Sunny, “I told you before and I’ll tell you again, I am _not_ up reading all the time, and 6 am is _hardly_ the ‘ass crack of dawn’ as you so eloquently put it.”

“Klaus, half the time the _sun_ isn’t even _starting_ to rise by 6. You don’t even do anything other than read all day so why on earth would you want to be awake then?!” Violet retorted as she passed her sister to the twelve-year-old.

Klaus’s smile faded as he quietly replied, “Because that’s when we’d get up at the hotel, I guess I just never stopped.”

Violet let out a soft _“Oh”_ and sat down on the bed and wrapped an arm around her friend and sister. “Klaus, are you _sure_ you’re ok?” She had been around Klaus long enough to know when he was upset.

“Violet, I’m fine, I already told you. Besides, I’m not the one whose house just burned down.” Violet didn’t believe him but she dropped it nonetheless.

* * *

The kids jumped as the door to their room was slammed open, “Wake up! If you’re going to live in my house then you are going to earn your keep by doing chores, and in case you brats are unfamiliar with the word it means ‘to earn your keep,’” Olaf shouted as he barged into the formerly quiet room.

“We actually helped out around the house quite often-” Violet began, only to be interrupted.

“Don’t talk back! I want this list completed by the time I return,” Olaf demanded as he shoved a piece of paper into Violet’s arms.

“And when will you be back?” Violet asked as she started to look over the list.

Olaf rolled his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing ever, “The afternoon.” And then he left the room without any further explanation which seemed to be the favored way to exit rooms around here.

Violet sighed and told the others that they should probably get started seeing as the list seemed rather long and tedious. Klaus picked Sunny up and together the children went off to begin their tasks.

They made their way to the kitchen as it appeared to be the most time consuming out of all the things on the list. It only barely beat the “library”, if they could even call it that seeing as it only had terrible play scripts written by an “Al Funcoot”, by a bit. 

Klaus placed Sunny on the only clean(ish) spot on the counter and made his way over to the sink. Violet laughed a little and picked up one of the plates, “Is this safe? It looks like this place has grown an ecosystem.” Klaus let out a small chuckle as he grabbed a bowl and started to scrub at the gunk on it.

Once Violet and Klaus had cleaned most of the dishes in the sink, Sunny began to hand the two of them dishes from the counter. With the number of dirty plates and bowls and pots and pans, it seemed almost as if Olaf had never bothered to wash any dishes in his entire life. 

“Do you remember when mom asked us to clean the kitchen, and neither of us wanted to mop, but Sunny had just started crawling, and so we tied sponges to her and just let her crawl around?” Violet reminisced as she tried scraping at, what she _thought_ might be food on a plate with a fork.

Klaus smiled a little and ruffled Sunny’s hair, “Yeah, Mr. and Mrs. Baudelaire didn’t know whether to be upset or to laugh.” 

Violet’s smile faded a little, “I miss them.” She sighed as she placed the mostly clean plate back in the sink.  
  


“Ditto,” Sunny said sadly as she held her arms up for Klaus to pick her up. He supported Sunny with one arm and with the other placed a hand on Violet’s shoulder and offered her a sympathetic smile. Violet smiled back and wiped her eyes. She pulled Klaus into a hug.

“ _Thank you._ ”

Klaus looked up at her, “For what?”

“For being here, thank you,” Violet hugged her friend and sister closer.

* * *

After a few hours of trying to make the kitchen look presentable, with varying degrees of success in multiple different aspects, the three children made their way to the so-called library.

Klaus Snicket, who had seen many libraries and had even slept in one, was, needless to say, not impressed. He entertained his friends by talking about the different books they found, mostly the aforementioned horrible play scripts, and explaining why they were so horrible and how if it were his home then the large room would be filled with much better books of all genres. He even assured Sunny that he’d keep a few extra thick books around just for her to chew on. And when Violet asked if he would have books on inventing and engineering for her, Klaus told her that of course he would. 

The three laughed as they talked about how much better the library would be if they owned it, and what types of books they’d write as authors. And for the first time since the morning of the fire, they felt happy, and like maybe everything would be ok.

* * *

They spent the remainder of the day completing their chores and laughing as they talked about the future and what they wanted to do once they’d grown up. 

The kids had been resting in their room when they heard Count Olaf shout for them from the main floor. Sunny asked if they could just pretend that they didn’t hear him but Violet insisted that they can’t just avoid their new guardian forever however pleasant it would be to do so.

“There you are, I’ve been calling you for hours! Is this how you treated your parents? Before they burned alive that is,” Olaf snarled as the Baudelaires and Snicket appeared at the end of the stairs. 

Violet looked confused and started talking, “But it’s only been-”

“I thought I told you not to talk back,” Olaf said coldly. Sunny offered Olaf a few choice words in her baby talk and Violet and Klaus attempted to hide their snickers. Olaf rolled his eyes, “Whatever, have you started making dinner? My theater troupe will be starving when they get here after rehearsal.”

“What do you mean? You never asked us to make dinner!” Violet said as she readjusted her grip on Sunny.

“Of course I did! Give me that list!” Olaf demanded and ripped the paper out of Klaus’s hands. “Ah hah! There it is! See? I _did_ tell you to make dinner for me and my troupe!” Olaf stated triumphantly while he very clearly wrote on the back of the paper. The children exchanged looks of confusion as they didn’t understand how or why the man thought he could convince them that the task had always been on the list, in fact, they weren’t even sure if he _did_ think he could convince them or if he was just doing it to be a jerk.

“Well? Get started! I need to leave so I won’t be late for rehearsal! Here’s a bag with whatever money you’ll need to buy the stuff for dinner. I expect to be paid back for this as well as everything else I’ve done for you as soon as you get your fortune,” Demanded the Count as he shoved the bag and list back into Klaus’s hands with a sneer. Olaf then left the house and speed away in a run-down black car, presumably to go to his rehearsal although Sunny thought he might have been going to refill his drug supply.

Violet sighed, “Well, let’s go to the kitchen and see if there’s any food we can use.”

Klaus merely raised an eyebrow at the eldest Baudelaire.

“Good point, let’s go see if Justice Strauss has any cookbooks that we can borrow,” Violet said as she began to herd the younger two out of the house.

The children crossed the street and knocked on the door of the very pleasant looking house, and then they took a step back as the Baudelaire parents had taught them that it was the polite thing to do.

“Oh! Baudelaire’s! It’s wonderful to see you again! And you too Mr. Snicket!” Justice Strauss said cheerily as she opened the door with a warm smile on her face. Klaus returned her smile, glad that someone had finally remembered his last name.

Violet tried to keep ahold of Sunny, who had turned her attention to a rather interesting butterfly and would like to chase it thank you very much, and offered Justice Strauss a tired smile, “We were wondering if you had any cookbooks that we could borrow, we’re hoping to make Count Olaf and his friends dinner tonight.”

Justice Strauss frowned a little, “It doesn’t seem like a very good idea to leave three children to make dinner for so many adults, especially not after what you’ve all just been through…”

“Abax,” Sunny said while nodding, finally done trying to escape her sister’s arms to follow the insect.

“Count Olaf trusts us with a lot of responsibility’s and we want to thank him for taking us in,” Violet explained as she tried to pretend that she didn’t want to ask to just move in with the kind women in front of them. Justice Strauss nodded and invited the children into her home, lead them to her private library, and pointed them to the cookbooks.

“It’s very kind of you children to do this for your guardian,” Justice Strauss praised. The children shared a looked but said nothing as the looked through the books for a suitable recipe.

“How about this one?” Violet asked after some time looking, “‘Puttanesca’ it’s an Italian pasta sauce.” She passed the book to the Snicket boy who read the instructions aloud for the other people in the room to hear.

The Baudelaire sisters and their Snicket compatriot copied the recipe down and Justice Strauss offered to take the rickety trolley with them to the market to purchase the ingredients they’d need.

* * *

Once the three friends had returned to their ‘home’, if it could be called that, they made their way into the kitchen and began working on the meal. While Violet and Klaus roasted the garlic, washed and chopped the anchovies, peeled the tomatoes, and pitted the olives, Sunny helped by banging a pot with a spoon and singing a rather repetitive song she had written herself that very day. Once they had the sauce heating up and the pasta cooking, Violet pulled a packet of pudding out from her pocket and the children smiled, excited for the desert they had picked out and began to mix it in a large bowl, as Sunny wouldn’t let them use her ‘drum’.

Just as the pudding was placed in the fridge Violet, Klaus, and Sunny heard a loud boom as the front door was thrown open announcing the arrival of a very unpleasant person.

“Orphans?” Count Olaf called out in the voice of someone who had been singing very off-key for a very long time. “Where are you, orphans?”

“We’re just finishing dinner in the kitchen, Count Olaf!” Violet called back.

“You better be! My troupe is just behind me and I expect the best meal that your grubby little orphan hands are capable of!” The children found his excessive use of the ‘orphans’ to be a little insensitive. They heard the man stride into the dining room, followed by multiple car doors being opened and closed and people chattering as the entered the house and walked to the dining room.

Klaus gulped and lifted Sunny into his arms. He jumped a little as Violet slipped her hand into his and offered him a nervous, although somewhat reassuring smile and said, “It’s now or never.”


	5. Neverland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet is a good big sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update! Unfortunately, updates will be slowing down even more because A.) School, B.) I'm running out of pre-written chapters, and C.) I have a short attention span so one chapter takes forever to write.

The three children walked out of the kitchen and into the dining room, Violet holding the spaghetti, and Klaus holding the sauce in one arm, and Sunny in the other. The acting troupe eyed the food hungrily as Violet and Klaus made their way around the table to dish out the pasta and sauce. All of the actors happily accepted the food and began shoveling it into their mouths, which helped calm their fears over the quality of the dinner.

“What is this?” Olaf asked with a sneer once Violet and Klaus reached him.

“ _ Pasta, _ ” Said Sunny slowly, which likely meant,  _ “You are a grown man, you should know what fucking pasta is.” _

“ _ Where _ is the roast beef?” Olaf said in an appalled tone.

Violet looked confused, “What roast beef?” She looked over at Klaus and her sister but they had no explanation either.

“The roast beef you were supposed to make for dinner! Do you actually expect my troupe to eat  _ this _ ,” Olaf glared at the pasta that his troupe had been happily eating moments before but had quickly stopped at their boss’s words, a man with hooks for hands looked particularly sad about it.

“But, you didn’t ask us to make roast beef. We thought that you’d be fine with Pasta Puttanesca,” Violet explained, starting to get more nervous.

“ _ Well _ , you thought  _ wrong _ ,” Olaf narrowed his eyes at the children.

“Well if you wanted roast beef then you should have told us!” Violet retorted, her fear turning to annoyance.

Olaf’s glare turned just as icy as it had when Klaus first introduced himself, “In agreeing to adopt you, I became your father, and  _ as _ your father, I  _ demand _ that you make roast beef for my guests and I.”

“ _ No! No! No!”  _ Shrieked Sunny, mad that this disgusting man would dare claim to be her father.

Count Olaf stood from the table and snatched Sunny from her brother’s arms with a growl. He held her high above his head with one hand. Sunny grew frightened and began to loudly cry, hoping her parents would hear and save her, she was too scared to even bite the man with her sharp teeth.

“Put her down, you heathen!” Shouted Violet as she jumped, trying to reach the baby. Count Olaf grinned wickedly, the hook-handed-man held his hooks out under Sunny, as if ready to catch her should Olaf drop her as he appeared to be preparing to do. 

“Please! Just give her back! She’s just a baby!” Klaus begged the cruel man. Count Olaf looked down at the boy and for a moment he saw someone else, someone he had long since accepted as gone for good. And he lowered Sunny to the table and sat down with his head in hands.

“Go to your beds, all of you. I don’t want to see any of you children again until morning,” He said quietly, and in a tone that sounded a little sad.

“You mean our  _ bed _ , sense you only bothered to give us one,” Klaus said coldly, ignoring the troupe members who tried to warn him that he shouldn’t say anything. And before anyone had time to react, Count Olaf was standing again and struck Klaus across the face, the force of the hit knocking him to the ground and giving him a perfect view of the eye-shaped tattoo on Olaf's ankle. Violet grabbed Sunny from the table and raced to Klaus’s side.

* * *

”Are you sure you’re ok?” Violet asked, trying to get a better look at the bruise forming on Klaus’s cheek. 

“I’m fine Violet, I just… I’m  _ fine _ ,” Klaus insisted as he moved from the bed to sit on the floor, clutching his blue backpack to his chest.

Violet furrowed her eyebrows, “Klaus please, you know you can talk to me.” Sunny shifted slightly from where she was asleep on the bed.

“I know,” Klaus sighed, “I’ll be fine, you should get some sleep. I’ll take the floor tonight.”

“You’re hurt, the least I can do is let you use the bed, although, the floor might actually be softer,” Violet joked a little. “Are you sure that there’s nothing that I can do to help?”

“Yes. I’ll be okay,” Klaus said. Then he looked at the bag and unzipped it, Violet’s interest peaked, she’d never seen what was in the backpack Klaus brought with him when he came to live with her and her parents. He dug around in it for a few seconds before he slowly pulled something out. Violet moved to get a closer look; it was a small well-loved brown and white stuffed animal, it appeared to be a dog with floppy ears although she couldn’t quite tell due to Klaus blocking her view. He stared at the dog and then clutched it to his chest, curling up in a ball and crying.

Violet quickly wrapped her arms around the smaller boy, pulling him into a hug. He curled into her and sobbed as she rubbed his back and whispered to him that it would be okay and that she’d keep him safe, and it was ok for him to cry. After a few minutes, Klaus pulled back, still holding onto the stuffed animal and letting her keep an arm around his shoulders. And then he spoke, in a soft broken voice, “I remember when I got this, I was probably 3 or 4. Mom had, had just gotten home from a work trip. And her and my Uncles gave me a bag and inside it was this little dog. They told me that it was all mine. I named him ‘Fibbles’. Uncle Dew-” He stopped himself for a second, considering his next words, before he continued, a fond smile on his face, “Uncle Frank had just taught me that word, it means ‘lies’. But I just thought it was fun to say.”

Violet shifted so she was closer to her friend, “Do you miss them? Your Uncles? I haven’t heard you talk about them much.”

“Of course I do, they took care of me whenever mama was busy, which was relatively often. They would let me run around the hotel and sometimes they’d give me this little concierge uniform and let me ‘help’ the guests,” Klaus said, subconsciously rubbing his sock-covered ankle. And then Klaus’s smiled faded, replaced by realization, “I never got to say goodbye.”

Violet looked at him, “What?”

“When, when I  _ left _ , I never got the chance to tell them goodbye. Do they… do they even  _ know _ where I am? Did they know that I was leaving? Did they, did they  _ want _ me gone? Violet what if they wanted me to go?” Klaus was crying again, holding the stuffed dog, Fibbles, so tightly Violet thought he might break it.

“Oh Klaus, of  _ course, _ they didn’t want you gone. They loved you and I’m sure they were  _ devastated _ when you didn’t come back,” She started.

“Then why didn’t they look for me? Violet, why didn’t they  _ look _ for me? Or, or come and visit? Or tell me if something happened to my mother? What if she’s dead? What if  _ they’re _ dead? What if something happened and they all died and I just didn’t know and I’ve been angry at her and at them this whole time for leaving me when they  _ died _ ?” Klaus was starting to shake as Violet tried desperately to calm him down. Part of Violet wondered if she should tell him what she’d heard her parents say the night she’d first opened up to him and they’d fallen asleep on the floor in her invention room.

“Hey, hey, it’s gonna be okay. How about tomorrow we go down to the bank and tell Mr. Poe about what happened at dinner, and while we’re there we can ask if his wife can find any newspapers about the hotel, okay? I’m sure that they’re fine, there was probably some other reason they couldn’t contact you. But this way we’ll know for sure if something happened.” Violet said, hoping that it would reassure the crying 12-year-old.

Klaus nodded and rested his head on her shoulder, his crying slowing a little. Violet tried to imagine what her life would have been like had Klaus not walked into it, or what it would have been like if he’d left just like he was supposed to, but in every scenario, it felt…  _ wrong _ . Her thirteenth birthday, where he’d nervously given her a biography about Nikola Tesla and said that maybe he could read to her while she worked. Or when they found out Mother was going to have a baby and he’d read all the books about it he could and then rambled about it to her as she fixed the oven. Or when he came into her room late at night, a few days before Sunny was born, and had quietly asked her if she thought that they were going to get rid of him now that there was going to be new baby. She couldn’t imagine her life without him, and although she’d never admit it, Violet had been thinking of him as family for a long time now.

* * *

Klaus woke up to a throbbing in his cheek and a sore neck from sleeping funny. He picked Sunny up and moved her to be more on Violet, wondering when she’d joined them on the floor, and sat down in the window. Klaus pulled a book from his backpack and wiped the dust off. His fingers traced the words on the cover and he smiled a little as he opened it to a page with a thick red-ribbon marking it. He could clearly remember his mother coming home and sitting next to him on the floor of his uncle’s library as she placed the ribbon and told him that they’d continue the next time she got back from a mission.

He knew that the missions were for his mother’s work, which he was told was very important, but she would never tell him what her work was or anything else about the missions. Just that they were ‘for a noble cause’.

Klaus looked over at Violet and Sunny to make sure they were still sleeping, and then he slowly rolled the sock on his left ankle down. He could clearly remember his mother and Uncle Frank helping him draw a tattoo onto it to match theirs. He could also clearly remember hearing Ernest argue with Frank and his mother when they thought he’d fallen asleep, Ernest didn’t think that they should have given him the mock-tattoo, that he was too young, and that he didn’t know what it even meant, Frank and Mama had just said that they’d all had real ones at his age and that it was for a ‘noble cause’.

Everything was always for a ‘noble cause’ but apparently Klaus wasn’t allowed to know what the ‘noble cause’ was. His mother told him that he’d find out soon enough, that one day someone would come and take somewhere to learn about it. She told him that it’d be just like Peter Pan taking the Darling children to Neverland. Klaus asked if she’d go to Neverland with him and she just smiled and said she would meet him there.

But Klaus never went to Neverland, instead, he went to the Baudelaire’s, where Mr. Baudelaire would read poetry with him, and where Mrs. Baudelaire would sing to him when he had nightmares, and where Violet would invent things while he read to her, and where Sunny treated him like he was her real brother and not some kid who’d been dropped off and never picked up.

And instead of Neverland Klaus went to Mr. Poe’s house, where no one would listen to him about who his parents were and weren’t, where Mr. Poe cared more about the bank than about him and the Baudelaire’s, where Mrs. Poe only wanted them around so she could write about how miserable they were in the paper, and where Edgar and Albert kept asking if they’d set the fire.

And Klaus went to Count Olaf’s instead of Neverland, where their guardian was cruel and hit them, and where everything was always a mess and there wasn’t a single thing in the house that wasn’t dirty, where Count Olaf and his friends would loudly shout and get drunk all night, and where nothing was ever okay.

No, Klaus never went to Neverland like his mother had promised. Peter Pan and Tinkerbell never came through the window. And no one told Klaus what the ‘noble cause’ was. But he still had Violet and Sunny. And even if they weren’t pirates, or fairies, or mermaids, they cared about him. They didn’t leave him. And so maybe everything would alright so long as they had each other. And hey, he still had his old stuffed dog from when he was a kid. Maybe Sunny would like it. It’s not like he had much use for it now.

Klaus rolled his sock back up over his ankle and looked over at the sleeping sisters. Even if he wasn’t their  _ real _ family, he still felt like they were his. Everything would be okay, just so long as they had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important note: Klaus and the Baude's are 100% family in this even if not by blood, Klaus just has Outsider Syndrome.


	6. If it weren't illegal, I'm sure Mr. Poe would have been strangled in this chapter

“Ready?” Violet asked, one hand on the door of the bank and the other holding Sunny.

“Yeah,” Klaus replied with a small smile. Violet pushed the door open and the three children stepped inside. They quickly spotted a bored looking woman filing her nails and ignoring the ringing phone next to her.

She looked up at the kids approaching her and sighed, “What do you want?”

Violet tried her best to keep her expression pleasant even if the woman’s breath reeked of cigarette smoke, “We’re looking for Mr. Poe?”

“Then go talk to  _ his  _ secretary,” Huffed the woman as she went back to her very important job of ignoring them.

“Do you know where we can find his secretary?” Violet asked hopefully. The woman rolled her eyes, grunted, and gestured in the direction of two doors behind an empty desk. Klaus shrugged at his friend and began walking towards the doors, Violet and Sunny quickly following behind him.

Klaus turned the handle on one of the doors and stepped in. 

A woman with dark blonde hair glanced up at them from her phone call, “G? I’m afraid I’ll have to call you back,” she hung up and gave the Baudelaires and Snicket a pleasant smile, “How may I help you?”

“We need to speak with Mr. Poe? It’s about our new guardian,” Violet told the woman.

“Of course, I’ll see if he’s busy,” The woman, Jacquelyn Scieszka if her nameplate was correct, nodded as if she’d been expecting this and then pressed a button on a small speaker sitting beside the phone, “Mr. Poe? The Baudelaire children are here to see you? They say that they wish to speak with you about their guardian.”

It was then that the kids noticed that Mr. Poe had been sitting at a desk in the back of the room and had merely elected to ignore them. The hopefully-more-helpful-than-he-had-been-during-their-last-encounter banker pressed the buzzer next to his intercom to reply, “I suppose I have a few minutes I can spare, send them in.”

“Mr. Poe will see you now,” Said Jacquelyn as if this had been a perfectly normal thing to do.

The children shared confused looks before Violet awkwardly replied, “Thank you?”

“No problem,” Assured Jacquelyn before picking up her phone and dialing, presumedly, the number of whomever she’d been speaking with before.

“Ah, Baudelaires! Jacquelyn said you wanted to talk about your new guardian? I do hope you haven’t been causing him too much trouble,” Mr. Poe greeted them with a large grin.

“Count Olaf is horrible! We can’t stay with him!” Violet said, cutting right to the chase. “He hit Klaus! Don’t you see his bruise?” But the telephone rang as she spoke, distracting Mr. Poe.

“Excuse me,” He said, picking up the phone, “Poe here.” Poe coughed into the receiver, “What was that? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. Thank you!” He hung up and looked at the children as if he’d forgotten all about them,

“What is it we were talking about again? Oh right, Count Olaf, yes. I’m sorry you haven’t had a very good first impression of him.” Mr. Poe said.

“He’s only given us one bed!” Said Klaus.

“He makes us do all the difficult chores!”

“He gets drunk every night!”

“One moment,” Mr. Poe interrupted as he went to answer the phone that had begun ringing again. “Poe here.” He paused, waiting for the person on the other end to speak before answering, “Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Six and a half. Seven. You’re welcome.” He jotted something down before remembering the children here to see him. “What were you saying? Something about Count Olaf making you do chores? That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“He calls us orphans!” Protested Violet.   
  
“He has terrible friends!” Added Klaus   
  
“He’s always asking about our money!” Included Violet.

“Poko!” Suggested Sunny.

Mr. Poe held his hands up to get the Baudelaire girls and Snicket boy to quiet down and let him speak, “Now, now, I understand that it’s not what you’re used to, but sometimes we have to do things we don’t enjoy. I myself dislike doing the dishes but I still do them because that’s my  _ responsibility _ ,” He said  ‘responsibility’ slowly as if he was speaking to very young children, “Responsibility is taking the initiative to do the things that are expected of you without having to be prompted to do so.” Explained the banker, ignoring Klaus’s mutter of  _ “We know what responsibility means.”  _

“You children need to give yourselves some time to adjust and get used to your new environment and new  _ responsibilities _ .” Mr. Poe said. 

“We’ve given ourselves enough times to know that he’s a terrible person!” Violet insisted.

Mr. Poe sighed and looked at each of the children with a somewhat patronizing smile, “Are you familiar with the Latin term ‘in loco parentis’?”

The Baudelaire sisters turned to their friend as he was the most likely to know the phrase with his love for reading.

“Something to do with trains?” Klaus guessed, a bit unsure.

“‘In loco parentis’ means acting in the role of a parent.” Mr. Poe corrected. “It is a legal term that applies to Count Olaf in your situation. It means that because he is your legal guardian, he is acting as your parent and may raise you as he sees fit. I’m sorry if your parents didn’t make you do household chores, or if you never saw them drink, or if you preferred their friends, but you must get used to these things as long as Count Olaf is acting in loco parentis. Am I understood?”

“He  _ hit _ Klaus!” Violet protested, handing her sister to the Snicket boy. “Look at his face!”

But as she spoke the banker pulled out his handkerchief and coughed so loudly that Violet doubted she could be heard.

“Look, whatever it is that Count Olaf has done he has been acting in loco parentis, and his parenting techniques are none of my business. The only thing I can do for you is protect your fortune until you come of age. Now, I’m sorry to rush you out posthaste but I have lots of work to do and I’ve already lost valuable time because you barged in unannounced and without an appointment.”

The Baudelaires and Snicket just stood there in stunned silence. Mr. Poe looked at them and cleared his throat, “‘Posthaste’ means-”

“Means you’ll do nothing to help us.” Violet finished for him in an icy tone. She was shaking in anger and quickly left the room ignoring the secretary and slamming the door before she thought to turn and check if Klaus and Sunny had followed, and paused her anger briefly to be thankful they had. And then she stormed out of the bank and onto the sidewalk where she picked up a rock and threw it across the street, wishing she had a pillow to scream into.

“Violet? Are you  _ sure _ your ok?” Klaus asked.

“Yes! No? Urgh! I don’t know!” Violet pulled at her hair, “It just isn’t fair! None of this is fair!”

Klaus placed a hand on her shoulder, “I know, but what can we do? We’re just kids and we have nowhere else to go.”

“That’s just it! We’re just  _ kids _ , we shouldn’t have to deal with this! Sunny isn’t even one yet!” Violet’s eye’s widened with realization, “ _ Sunny isn’t even one yet. _ ”

“I know. It isn’t fair but we- _ you _ are all she has left. We should just go back to Count Olaf’s house, make the best of it, and then leave on your 18th birthday. That’s the best we can do.” And then, as if reading Violet’s mind Klaus added, "Running away won't solve anything, we have nowhere to go." And both of them remembered when Klaus had runaway.

Sunny reached into her pocket, glad she had brought the strange object she’d found in her house, and decided that it might make Violet feel better, “Vi?”

Violet looked to her sister and carefully grabbed the unfamiliar object from the baby’s hands and looked it over. It was made of wood and metal and had odd dials on it and the eldest Baudelaire had never seen it before. 

“Sunny, where did you get this?”

“Chin.” _ “Kitchen” _

“ _ Our _ kitchen?” Sunny nodded at her sister, confused about all the questions, she had thought for sure that a gift would make her big sister feel better.

Violet frowned at the thing in her hand, “What is it?”

“It looks… familiar,” Klaus said with his eyebrows furrowed. “I think my mother had one. But I don’t remember what it is.”

“Peli?” Sunny asked which meant,  _ “So can I have it? I want to chew on it.” _

“That might not be a good idea seeing as we don’t know what it is, where its been, or what it does,” Violet answered before reaching into her pocket to pull out a piano key and adding, “But maybe you can use this until we’re able to get you something better?”

Sunny took the key into her small and looked over before putting in her mouth and gave it a few testing bites and then gave a  solemn nod of approval and slipped it into her pocket.

Klaus sighed and looked to the older Baudelaire girl, “So, what do we do now?”

“Maybe… maybe Justice Strauss will have something in her legal library that will help us, something we can bring to Mr. Poe or the Police,” Violet offered.

“And if she doesn’t?”

“Then we try to make the best of things, whatever happens, we face it together, ok?” Klaus and Sunny looked at each other before nodding.

“Ok.”

“Ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Running away can be the best option in certain situations, but you should be prepared and have a plan before you do it and IF you have to do it.


	7. Standoffish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus gets to be the sassy one for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! I know it's been ages but it took me a while to find the motivation and focus to finish this chapter! Hopefully, the next one won't take as long, although that likely won't be the case. I'm only about four sentences into the next chapter and I'd like to wait to post it until after the chapter after that is done, so sadly it will probably be a while before I update again. Anyways, enjoy!

When the kids were finally able to drag themselves out of their room and down to the kitchen they weren’t greeted by an empty room and a list of chores per usual, but instead with Count Olaf sitting at the head of the table with three bowls of oatmeal, each with a bright raspberry on top.

“Good morning orphans,” Olaf said in a chilling voice. “I took the liberty of preparing you all some nice, hot, oatmeal.”

The children shared nervous glances at each other, unsure of if Olaf had done something to the food. The man must have noticed their apprehension because he reached over and plucked the raspberry from a bowl and ate it, with an overly exaggerated sound of satisfaction.

“Um, thank you?” Klaus said quietly, still eyeing the bowls with distrust.

“You’re quite welcome,” Olaf replied before continuing. “I received a very interesting phone call from Mr. Poe last night regarding your little,  _ visit _ to him.”

The Baudelaires and Snicket had hoped that Mr. Poe would keep it between the four of them, five counting his secretary, but clearly, that was not the case. 

“He told me about your  _ difficulties _ with adjusting to your new life that I have been so kind as to gift you,” Sunny wasn’t sure if  _ kind _ and  _ gift _ were the right words and had a few choice ones of her own to offer. “He said you have been upset by some of my actions and I’m very,  _ very _ , sorry to hear that.”

Violet was once again struck with the idea that she’d seen the strange shine to his eyes before, although she couldn’t quite place where, “Well,  _ we _ are very sorry that he bothered you.”

“You seem to misunderstand,” Said the Count. “I’m glad that he did. You see, as your new father, I want you to feel comfortable in your home.”

The kids shuddered and Sunny uttered her choice words as they remembered Mr. Baudelaire who had been kind and caring and nothing at all like the man sitting before them. In fact, all three were  _ very _ glad that Count Olaf was not their actual father and hardly qualified as an adoptive one.

“Unfortunately due to my theater rehearsals, I haven’t been able to really spend much time with you all. Which I’m afraid has made me appear rather,  _ standoffish _ .” Olaf lamented in a very clearly fake and terribly practiced way. ‘Standoffish’ is a word which here means ‘reluctant to associate with others’. It is a wonderful word that would not under normal circumstances be used to describe Count Olaf, who is a less than wonderful person, and this is in fact, a normal circumstance. There are many words that could be used to describe someone like Count Olaf, however, they likely would not be permitted in a work such as this. “This is why I believe that you should participate in the play my troupe and I are putting on.”

“How exactly are we meant to participate?” Asked Violet, unsure of if she wanted to know the answer.

Olaf grinned in a way that was reminiscent of a gargoyle, “The play we’ll be putting on is called ‘ _ The Marvelous Marriage _ ’ by the great Al Funcoot. It’s about a dashingly handsome young man, played by me of course, doing daring and heroic things, and it ends with a wedding with many cheering guests, played by glasses and the baby. And the  _ lovely _ bride, will be played by you, my dear Violet.”

Violet was very glad that she hadn’t bothered with eating the oatmeal because she feared that if she had she’d surely vomit, “What?”

“It’s a  _ very _ important role, even if ‘ _ I do _ ’ is your only line.” Count Olaf gave Violet a look that did nothing to help with her queasiness. “It should be quite simple, Justice Strauss will give you your cue.”

Klaus glared at the man, “What does Justice Strauss have to do with it?”

Olaf raised his eyebrow as if he had expected Klaus to already know the answer, “Why, she will be playing the Judge, I thought it would be neighborly to ask her to participate.”

“But Count-  _ Father _ ,” Choked out Violet, “I’m just not sure that I’ll be able to… perform professionally yet, and I’d hate to disgrace your’s and the great Al Funcoots good names.” She struggled to explain why she shouldn’t play his bride, “Besides, I’d be far more comfortable backstage, building sets and such.”

The man reached across the table and grabbed Violet by the chin, “ _ You will do as I tell you. _ ” He said, stroking her chin in a way that made the fourteen-year-old girl want to run into her parents’ arms. “I would  _ prefer _ it if you did so voluntarily, but as I’m sure Mr. Poe explained, I am acting ‘ _ in loco parentis _ ’, which means that I can  _ force  _ you to do as I say.”

Olaf dug his nails into Violet’s chin one last time before rising to his full height, dusting his hands off, and leaving the room. Violet tensed briefly when Klaus put a hand on her shoulder, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Violet gave him and her sister a weak smile. 

“I suppose it won’t hurt us to be in the play,” Klaus said, with a frown.

“He’s got to be planning something, Klaus.”

“What do you mean?”   


“I think he’s after our fortune, did you see his reaction when Mr. Poe said that it wouldn’t be accessible until I’m 18?”

“What does your fortune have to do with his play?”

“I don’t know.” Violet furrowed her eyebrows in frustration. “ Do you know anything about inheritance laws?”

Klaus shook his head, “Maybe Mr. Poe knows?”

“He’d just call Count Olaf again,” Violet shuddered. “What about Justice Strauss? She said that she was a judge right?”

“She’s his neighbor, she’d probably tell him too,” Klaus took off his glasses, something he did when he was thinking hard. “How are we meant to learn about the law without Olaf finding out?”

“Book!” Sunny shouted suddenly, which likely went,  _ “Would somebody please wipe my face?”  _ and although the older children did help her remove the oatmeal that she had apparently deemed safe, their focus was on the word she used.

“Count Olaf didn’t leave us any chores.” Violet said, “So I suppose there’s no reason why we shouldn’t visit Justice Strauss and her legal library.”

Klaus smiled a little, “I don’t think I want to check out a book on wolves or tidal patterns this time.”

“You know,” Violet replied, “I don’t think I’ll be checking out one on mechanical engineering either. In fact, I’ve been rather interested in inheritance law recently.”

“Well, let’s go,” Klaus said, “We wouldn’t seem  _ standoffish _ .”

The three children laughed at the use of the word that Olaf had so terribly misused earlier, even Sunny who, although being a literal infant, understood the meaning of the word better than Olaf.

* * *

There are many books that interest many people, law books are very rarely included in those. However, it was law books that the Baudelaire sisters and Snicket boy had ventured across the street to Justice Strauss’ house. Who had let them into her library without question and then went back to her gardening to finish planting her petunias. 

“Oh, dear!” Exclaimed Justice Strauss when she came in to check on them, “I didn’t know you were interested in the law! Even  _ I _ find those books to be lengthy and boring, and it’s my  _ job!  _ Are you sure those are the books you want?”

“Yes,” Violet lied, “I find the law to be fascinating.”

“Me too,” Klaus fibbed, “I’ve always been curious about it.”

“Alright then.” Justice Strauss said, still a little dubious, “But Sunny can’t possibly be interested in it, perhaps she’d like to come and garden with me?”

“Wipi!” Sunny exclaimed, which meant,  _ “I'd much prefer gardening to sitting around watching my siblings struggle through law books." _

“Make sure she doesn’t eat dirt,” Violet told Justice Strauss as she passed her sister to the Judge. 

“Of course! We wouldn’t want her getting sick just before the big performance,” Justice Strauss assured before continuing, “You know, I’ve always wanted to perform on stage. And now Count Olaf has so kindly given me the opportunity! Aren’t you excited?”

“I suppose,” Violet replied reluctantly.

Justice Strauss gave them one last grin before leaving with Sunny in her arms and stars in her eyes.

“She’s too stagestruck to believe anything about Olaf making things up,” Klaus said once he was sure that the Judge was out of earshot. 

“And we can’t ask her help because she’ll just start prattling on about  _ ‘In loco parentis’. _ ” Violet sighed, _ “ _ Which is why we need to find a legal solution ourselves.”

“Have you found anything useful yet?” Klaus asked.

“Nothing, I don’t understand how Olaf could get our fortune through  _ ‘The Marvelous Marriage’ _ .” The inventor sighed, “I think I’m going to go help Justice Strauss in the garden.”

As Klaus watched his friend leave the room he remembered something his Uncle Dewey had liked to say,  _ “You can find the answer to any question in a book if read enough of them.”  _ Klaus had believed that his whole life, and yet now, he wasn’t so sure. He only had a few days before the play and he had been in Justice Strauss's legal library reading large law books for hours. In fact, he was beginning to wonder if he could use one of the law books as a weapon against his guardian, surely no one could blame him if it ‘accidentally’ fell off the breaking railing at the top of the stairs and hit Olaf right? But alas, Klaus knew he wouldn’t be able to do it, it’d be unfair to the book after all. 

“You there!” Boomed a loud voice from the doorway, startling Klaus, who hadn’t been paying much attention to his surroundings. “Count Olaf wants you to return to the house immediately.” When Klaus turned he found the Bald Man With A Long Nose approaching him. When the man stopped he looked at the book in the Researchers’ hands, “ _ Inheritance Law and Its Implications _ ? Why would  _ you _ be reading  _ that _ ?”

“Why do you think I’m reading it?” Klaus asked slowly, unsure of if the Bald Man had asked a rhetorical question or not.

The Bald Man narrowed his eyes, “Don’t sass me you little shit, or I’ll make sure you step foot into this place again. Now, where’s the girl and the baby?”

“They’re in the garden with Justice Strauss,” Klaus moved the book away from the man, “Do you think you can find it yourself?”

“You know what? I think that the only reason the Count hasn’t killed you yet is because he thinks that keeping you alive will help him get the Baudelaire fortune, otherwise you’d be dead by now, the boss doesn’t like  _ Snickets _ very much. So ask yourself little boy, what use will he have for you once he has his money?” The Bald Man grinned as he left the library and Klaus, who was struggling to breathe from fear. 

He frantically searched the room for anything that could be helpful while repeating a phrase he’d heard many times throughout his childhood,  _ “Get scared later.” _


End file.
